You're Joking, Right
by maximumtsubasa
Summary: Astrid is having a pest problem. A pest problem that sings.


So this just came to me. If I could I would so create an AMV of this. It just seems to fit so well. If anyone can create an AMV of these two with this song, please do so. I so want to see it.

So as always disclaimer: I don't own the characters from How to Train your Dragon and I don't own the song "Me" from the Beauty and the Beast Broadway Musical.

Astrid just knew something about today was going to be different. The twins hadn't woken them all up at dawn break with one of their antics, Fishlegs didn't drag Hiccup away to geek talk about dragons and whatever else they usually geeked about, and Hiccup actually taken her advice for once instead of following his own crazy plans that usually come close to killing him. The biggest sign that today was different was that Snotlout was giving her even more attention than normal.

While Snotlout normally tried to hit on her at least once a day before she usually scared him away with threats of bodily harm, today he just wasn't getting the message. All day he kept making annoying sexual remarks about her and her supposed "feelings" for him. She kept threatening to kill him if he didn't stop it but he just kept hitting on her. It finally got to the point where Hiccup had to come up with an excuse to separate them before she really did kill him.

Now her and Hiccup, after an hour of patrolling Dragon's Edge, are on the way back to her hut to get her axe. On their patrol they found some new dragon hunters traps and they needed to dismantle them. So they were getting Astrid axe so that she could take out her remaining anger on the traps. Probably wouldn't make much damage against the dragon proof metal but it would make her feel better.

It was when they were walking into her hut when they once more ran into Snotlout. He was sitting at the small table in her room with his feet on her table, leaned back into the chair.

"Ah, there you are babe." Snotlout said.

"Snotlout, what are you doing in MY hut?" she asked. From her peripheral vision, Astrid could see Hiccup lean against the wall, deciding to watch Snotlout's latest attempt at wooing her.

"I figured it was time to stop beating around the bush and just come right out and say it."

"What are you talking about?"

Then to Astrid's horror Snotlout began singing.

" **You've been dreaming, just one dream  
Nearly all your life  
Hoping, scheming, just one theme:  
Will you be a wife?  
Will you be some he-man's property?  
Good news!  
That he-man's me!"**

"What?" Hiccup asked with an equally confused look on his face.

 **"This equation, girl plus man  
Doesn't help just you  
On occasion, women can  
Have their uses too  
Mainly to extend the fam'ly tree  
Pumpkin, extend with me!"**

Hiccup was trying his best to hold in his laughter (failing miserably, though) as he pulled the axe out of Astrid hands. She was getting ready to take off that muttonhead's head! How dare he say that women can on occasion have their uses too as if they were useless.

" **We'll be raising sons galore"** he continued to sing.

" **Inconceivable!"** she said.

" **Each built six foot four!"** He was still singing.

" **Unbelievable!"** Astrid mumbled. She was so going to kill Hiccup for his silent laughing after she killed Snotlout.

" **Each one stuffed with ev'ry Snotlout gene!"** Mini-Snotlouts…the nightmare.

" **I'm not hearing this!"** This had to be a nightmare. There was no way Snotlout was asking for her hand in marriage. And why the hell wasn't Hiccup doing anything to end this nightmare?

" **You'll be keeping house with pride!"** He wasn't stopping. Astrid tried to get her axe back from Hiccup once the shock of what was happening wore off but he kept it out of her reach. He even at one point tossed it to Toothless to take it away.

" **Just incredible!"**

" **Each day gratified!"** She doubted that.

" **So unweddable!"** And she was referring to Snotlout.

" **That you are a part of this idyllic scene!"** Odin help her. He finally stopped singing and started talking. **"Picture this: A rustic hunting lodge, my latest kill roasting over the fire, my little wife massaging my feet, while the little ones play on the floor with the dogs. We'll have six or seven!"**

" **Dogs?"** Astrid asked in vain.

" **No, Astrid! Strapping boys... Like me!"** Snotlout said proudly.

" **Imagine that!"** Never happening.

Once more Snotlout started singing again. And Hiccup was still laughing, but with tears running down his face now.

" **I can see that we will share  
All that love implies  
We shall be a perfect pair  
Rather like my thighs  
You are face to face with destiny!  
All roads lead to...  
The best things in life are...  
All's well that ends with me!  
Escape me?  
There's no way  
Certain as "Do, Re,"  
Astrid, will you marry..."**

Once more Snotlout stopped singing to talk. **"So Astrid, what will it be? Is it "yes", or is it "** _ **oh, yes**_ **"?"**

Astrid was in so much shock this was the only thing she could think of to say to such a ridiculous proposal. **"I... I just don't deserve you!"**

" **Who does?"** And he finished the last word of the song by belching it out. **"Me!"**

" **But thanks for asking.** Stormfly tail whip." And with that both idiotic boys were kicked out of her hut. Astrid now had a headache that was threatening to split her head. Hiccup and Snotlout could worry about the dragon hunter's traps; she was going back to bed and nothing was getting her to come out for the rest of the day. Boys are idiots. ****


End file.
